Why is husband so mean

When they get home to their safe place, they stop trying. Your husband is rude because he has stopped investing energy in his closest relationship. He may see himself as the boss and you as the employee. If he is in a position of authority at work, he may treat his underlings with disrespect. This relationship could spill over into the home. Conversely, he may feel disrespected by the boss at work but enjoy flipping the script at home to soothe his feelings of powerlessness in the rest of his life.

All spouses sometimes have to have frank conversations that could be unpleasant, but that does not have to descend into disrespect. You are not being treated correctly when any of these examples of disrespect in marriage happen frequently:. A great starting point is to examine how you treat your husband. Do you retaliate with name-calling when he does it to you? Are you dismissive of his feelings? Do you ignore his opinion? If that is going on, you might be two peas in a pod trapped in the same cycle of poor communication.

Whether your starting point is a saint or sinner, you need to set a good example by showing him respect. Needy is another word for insecure. Your insecurity can make your communications come across in a way that your husband feels is unacceptable.

Needy people become jealous easier. They want their spouses to fix everything for them, and this burden drives a wedge between them. Probably no one can. When you say that he hurt your feelings, he immediately becomes defensive instead of considering whether you have a valid point.

If you write him a note and explain the problem, the words might penetrate his brain. Processing written words takes him out of the confrontational person-to-person setting and leaves him holding written evidence. He might have a point about some things that you do. He might not express himself diplomatically, but maybe you do need to correct some behaviors.

If you have some areas to work on, then you can try to improve and take away his excuses for blaming you for his rude outbursts.

Demonstrating that you are willing to respond to constructive feedback will set the example that you respect him but expect him to reciprocate the same courtesy. Outside of disrespectful encounters , try to initiate conversations that could make him connect with you.

If the opportunity arises, show an interest in his thoughts and feelings. If you can get him to share more of his inner world, he may develop emotional intimacy with you and trust you more. In many ways, trust can be an antidote to disrespect.

Take a breath, count to ten, or do whatever it takes to stay calm and avoid an angry outburst. This tactic, when deployed calmly, can alert your disrespectful husband that he has crossed a line. Telling him that he is hurting you may remind him that he does not want to do that because he loves you. Years of being patient and forgiving have likely transformed you into a doormat. We have a good marriage except he goes through my things, dumps them out, breaks or loses them.

He makes horrible messes. A boyfriend? Right now. There's no legal paperwork. And reflect how you got here and don't repeat.

Very good information. But no information on how to deal with him when he refuses to listen to you and no matter what you say he says your wrong. I believe my husband is a narcissist and he really shows no value in me,so now what? Yes, a narcissist can destroy all family and personal relationships. Keep reading, but, mostly the information says walk away ASAP.

My husband always says he loves me but I wonder why whenever I don't do exactly what he wants or talk in a way he doesn't like, he starts insulting me by using words like 'stupid,idiot,dull, stone hearted,wicked,etc' I tried talking to him about it,he never listened instead he continued with his rantings. He sees himself as perfect,never wrong. At a point I just keep cold and make myself happy. I just want him to listen, apologize for the insult but he wouldn't. I guess that's what women go through.

I just imagine how I can cope with such a man. Thanks for reading. And for his behavior he uses the excuse that he has ptsd. I can understand you please stay strong Always have an escape plan. Find a local women's aid group and get out of that situation.

If you leave a bad situation, never go back. That's the lesson. When we were both working, my husband was fine. He made a lot of bad investments which I was not "allowed" to get involved with about 15 year ago an bankrupt us. We moved to a different country to start over but my job in the US did not work out working from home so he was the only one working for the past 6 years.

Granted I am 52 now so I have worked most of my life. My husbands new company has been so successful that he is now so obnoxious and rude to me that I am so unhappy I don't know how to cope. I am not allowed to even ask him a question without distain and attacks. He has an "adoring" staff now and it has all gone to his head.

Today he told me I do nothing all day. I am getting sad now. Sad no longer mad. He is mean now. If he doesn't appreciate you just leave you don't deserve this he's taking you for granted it may be hard to leave but it may be the best thing for you and your kids he will realize what a good thing he had once he doesn't have it anymore.

Just stand your ground stay strong and don't give in to him anymore make him suffer this time so he will see how it is to be in your shoes neglected and ignored and alone. I been married for almost 27 years and out of those 27 years we were separated a year in a half. My husband is so rude and mean and it seems like only to me. Everyone else gets pretty much the royal treatment especially is 80 year old friend and my husband is He constantly puts me down saying I don't do anything but yet the house is always clean and I work.

He makes comments about other women rather their on TV or in person and he keeps financial things from me doesn't tell me everything especially when it comes to saving me some money.

I've been unhappy for a long time now and don't know what to do because we just bought a house I dont know if I should walk away or hang in there. Hi, I am a man. I will not put my name here. I am married to the most selfless and wonderful woman I have ever known. I have admired her since I first met her. I wanted to marry her and I did.

I have known her 2 years before our marriage and we are now married for 4 years. But as time passed I started to take her for granted and I have been very disrespectful towards her. I love her and I am very possessive and protective of her. The way I speak to her is disgusting and I am now realizing that I have taken her for granted, and I am very disrespectful towards not just her but also her family, specially her mother.

I often say bad stuff to her and verbally attack her where it hurts most, as I know her very well. I want to change and I want to respect her and honor her and make her feel loved and cherished and I want to make her feel happy with me. I do lots of good stuff for her like gifts and outings. We have 2 beautiful children together.

But after few good days I just completely screw her mind over so bad that she ends up crying and yelling and broken. I am a total failure as a husband in regards to loving and respecting my wife.

I want to change I just want to change and respect her. She has a heart and it beats for me and I do not want to lose her because of my stupidity. I need help and I need it fast. I have tried some therapies to make myself less toxic as a person. But after few days maybe 2 weeks I again make this awesome person break down due to my poison and toxicity.

Pray for Jesus to enter your heart and hers. Read your Bible every day. Get Baptized out of a repentant heart,as you seem to. Read Acts 2,all. Find a church group,friends that will pray for you, people you trust. I'll be praying for you and all the people here. Not judging.

Per ce. But I am comparing a few things. What I'm going to say is only off the cuff and some food for thought. So here goes! Your wife's strength is just one of the qualities that attracted you to her. Her strength hAS been needed, hAS carried you, hAS your marriage during times you felt you should have been able to but could not for whatever reason.

I'm sure grateful each time it has. But I think its caused you to come resentful. You quite possibly feel a bit emasculated as well. Being grateful for this gift your wife bestowed, then learning that strength isn't gender, sometimes its combined efforts that can also make strength that can be just as powerful if not stronger.

You took that strength when you needed it. Felt inadequate after taking it. Because you felt inadequate you felt the need to act out. You chose to act disrespectful towards those that had what you lacked.

That would be your wife and her mom. Of course you feel bad when you're being disrespectful again and again. But at some point you need to find a way to be helpful instead of helpless. Are you competing with your wife or are you and your wife competing for a life? Think about it! Please control your emotions You need to get better help and get it fast or you will lose her for good to somebody else men are always taking advantage of women treating them like trash just because they think they are more superior woman deserve respect especially the one your with and if you don't change you may be alone for ever cus no woman wants to be disrespected by their own partner you will get what you give in the end and you call your self a man just like all the rest do you even know what a man is.

All I can say I feel every last one of you Beautiful women!! I'm so hurt,sad,angry,and broken. I'm experiencing or have experience what you all are going through. I'v been in 3 relationship in my entire life, i'v been married twice,I have 3 sons which are all grown.

I am a woman of God!! I have a great support system. This is my 2nd Marriage and it's my worst one. But I'm ready walk I've suffered enough!! I'm praying for each and every one of you from afar. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have good moments but we have disrespected each other on numerous occasions.

It all started when he began blaming me for us not being able to have kids initially. As if I chose to have fertility issues. Dealing with infertility lowered my self esteem and instead of being a supportive husband, he only added to my feelings of worthlessness.

I am thankful that I healed emotionally in that area before finally getting pregnant with our son but now, because there was a shift in our relationship during that dark period of time, we have become hardened towards one another. It has been difficult for us to reverse the toxic habits that we developed. Just a few days ago we got into an argument and he said some really insulting things to me via text message.

It was in that moment that I had decided that I was no longer going to engage in that toxic behavior with him and so I blocked his number in my phone. The next day he realized that I had blocked his number which is something that I have never done before and so he went into overdrive to find ways to rectify the situation because he knew that what he texted me was very wrong.

I have evolved over the last several months and I will no longer allow any more toxic energy in my life. We need to do better so that we can be a good example for our son. What you just described is exactly where I am at in my marriage. It resonates deeply with me. Actually all these stories do, but yours struck me as most close to my own situation. We have been married 7 years, together for 9, and known each other as close friends before dating for 15 years. It is both our second marriages.

He is a tyrant. He attacks me verbally for anything I ask, offer as an option, or opinion. We have two amazing boys, and they witness this daily.

I have left him twice. I do not want my boys to learn this behavior is ok. I am to the point where I have checked out. I no longer care. And this makes me resentful a little of my children which no mother should ever feel. I am embarrassed to admit this. I will make one more stand for this marriage and put him in his place, but knowing he has cheated on me, knowing that he continues to belittle, be verbally abusive, and blame everything on me along with gas lighting is taking its toll.

I am working on an exit plan, and meanwhile I will do my best to try to reach his heart once more. You are exactly where I am. I don't care anymore. I don't want to play this game anymore.

We've gone through this cycle too many times, I've given too many chances. What's hard is I deeply desire to be respected, appreciated, and regarded as something of value, like his cars!! I feel like I put so much energy in, and get nothing out. I'm starting to lose respect for him.

That's what's truly toxic. I don't respect him. He's giving me nothing to work with. I'm starting to view him as a childish, self centered, selfish being. I hate it, but I can't help seeing him this way. It's because of the way he treats me. I've tried to get him to treat me differently,but I've come to the realization that he doesn't care enough to make those changes. For example, not fighting and keeping distant is less conflicted, but not closer.

For closeness, you need to help your husband to enjoy being with you and doing things with you. Here is an example of how that could get you more respect in the way you parent. What changes do you need to make in yourself to get your husband to enjoy talking to you, being with you, making love with you, and to make him feel like you really love him the way he is?

More help on getting your husband to love you. If your husband picks fights or blames you for really petty things, those are not likely to be the real issue.

Fighting or complaining about minor things is an emotional distancing behavior. It is very common with both men and women who are in some way preparing to leave their relationship—emotionally, physically, or both.

An obvious indicator you need to take action is your husband saying he needs space or time to think about what he wants. Unfaithfulness is more likely to be the case if he seems to be normal with everyone except you, and you have no real issues in your relationship with your husband.

Learn more about intentional argumentativeness in the absence of real issues. Men who are unfaithful or preparing to be usually avoid doing things with their wives which would actually make their relationships with their wives better. He may no longer like you cooking his favorite food, having sex with you, going on a date with you to do something that he always enjoyed before.

In addition to treating you badly , if your husband is unfaithful or preparing to be, he is also likely to avoid being with you. At home, he may stop eating with you, sleeping with you, and even being in the same room with you. He may start to leave his cell phone turned off so as not to get calls or texts from you. If you ask him why, he will justify his behaviors rather than give you any sensible reason. If your husband starts to carry his cell phone to the shower, suddenly password protects his electronic devices, and comes home late or leaves early for work without any good reason, unfaithful behavior is a likely suspect.

This is particularly true when combined with avoiding you and treating you badly for insignificant reasons. Confronting your husband for being unfaithful is not going to either get him to admit to being unfaithful or to make him more faithful. He will just use as more reason to blame you for your untrusting behavior. Yet, unchecked, his unfaithfulness will continue and get harder and harder to deal with as time goes on.

The earlier you can learn how to deal with his unfaithfulness, the more chance you have for preventing or ending an affair. Multiple steps are required for implementing correct boundaries, then building your relationship, while also maintaining respect. You will have to avoid letting him have his cake and eat it too, while also avoiding doing extra damage to the marriage. Either counseling or coaching are likely to be helpful to deal with these complexities.

Two typical pieces of advice for women in your situation are to divorce or go to marriage counseling. Neither of these ideas will actually lead to improvement. Trying to get him to work together will frustrate you and make you feel like giving up. However there are a number of things you can do to improve your relationship without his cooperation. Many women have been able to turn their relationship around without further help than this.

If your situation is dire or you make some improvement and get stuck, I then recommend you get into either individual counseling or relationship coaching, depending on the nature of the problems in your relationship.

Here is a coaching package that I offer for restoring love with difficult spouses. Sorry for the intrusion, but don't want you to miss this. My readers tell me these lessons made a BIG difference in their relationships. Get 5 free relationship lessons in your email that will help your husband to enjoy talking to you again.